husband – PaulThompsonBlog

Preparing for Marriage

Posted on December 18, 2017Leave a comment

In a day where biblical marriage is under attack in every arena of our culture, including false churches masquerading as the church, we must give careful biblical attention to this creation of God.

I’ve just recently finished a series of messages on marriage and submit it here for consideration to strengthen your marriage and to help parents prepare your children for this sacred union of man and woman.

Husbands and wives, listen and discuss the content and the status of your marriage.
Fathers and mothers, listen to these messages with or without your children, but at least, be intentional about training your children for this moment now. Trust me, if your child is 10 to 20 years of age, marriage is likely sooner than you expect. Train them while they are still willing to listen to you about something as serious as this.

My prayer for you is that this will at least spark conversation that will lead to formal and informal moments to teach your children.

Male and Female

The Engagement

Necessary for Marriage to Exist and Remain

Needed for Marriage to Remain (pt.1)

Needed for Marriage to Remain (pt. 2)

Duties of Husbands and Wives

Sunday Nights at Eastside

Posted on November 20, 2017Leave a comment

Through the remainder of 2017 I will be address biblical marriage on Sunday nights. It is my hope that you would consider attending the Sunday night gatherings of Eastside Baptist Church. This is not just a “how to improve your marriage” series, this is as much a series of messages for the youth and young adults who are not married yet to consider biblical teachings about what marriage is and why it is an important subject for all of us to give attention to it.

Join me on Sunday night at 6:30 p.m at Eastside Baptist Church in Twin Falls, Idaho.

A Word to Husbands

Posted on September 9, 2014Leave a comment

Of all the instructions in the New Testament about marriage, no where is a wife commanded to “love her husband.” It would be wrong for a wife not to love her husband, but we only find the command verbalized to men. Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives…”

For a man to neglect his duty of loving his wife is first a dishonorable act against God. But, not only is it dishonorable to God, it is disruptive to his wife, it causes confusion in the home, and it leaves the Lord’s church anemic, powerless.

I recently read an updated version of William Gouge’s book, Building a Godly Home. In it, William Gouge examined the duties of men and women in the marriage. This powerful exhortation was an influence on my message Sunday night at the Southern Idaho Bible Lecture Series hosted at Eastside Baptist Church.

It’s important that men hear this and hear this often. Husbands, love your wives. Be watchful over your household, men. Have a high minded view of your wife, not a worshiping view, an affectionate view. She has a role of submission, give long-suffering affection as one equal in many respects, but in her state of office, subordinate.

A corrupt view of this is for a husband to think of his wife as second in class or inferior in status. It is neither. It is one of duty. A wife has a duty, a husband has a duty, children have a duty. These duties are not about chores, they are more about affection for the other and the duty each has before God. If affection is absent from a husband toward his wife he will likely give his affection to another.

Here are some practical ways husband can show their love to their wives.

Husband, you must be kind and thoughtful to your wife. Not effeminate, because you are masculine. Not brutish, because she is feminine.
Husband, you must be courteous to your wife. Say thank you and please, often.
Husband, you must reject being aloof. Be personal and engaging. look your wife in the eyes when you talk to her.
Husband, you must be humble. Not fake and patronizing, genuinely humble.
Husband, consider your wife first. She must get your first, best and engaging time.
Husband, you must not lord over your wife with unfair demands and strictness.
Husband, encourage your wife in good things.
Husband, don’t discourage your wife with ingratitude.
Husband, instruct your wife in private and exhort her in public.
Husband, give helpful instruction to your wife. Don’t shy away from addressing your wife about her clothing and presentation. She may need to hear from you that she is showing too much sensual skin. She may need to know from you that her Facebook profile picture is too sultry and inviting. She may need to be talked to about how she interacts with others in her social practices.
Husband, don’t make your wife go to many social events without you. If at all possible help meet her social needs with you present.
Husband, treat your wife with respect.

I like to put it this way: No other man gets the chance to win my wife’s heart, no one.

There are more intelligent men than me, but no other man gets a chance to win her heart with his intelligence. There may be funnier men than me, she may laugh with others but no man gets a chance to win my wife with laughter. There are surely more romantic men than me, but no man, in real life or fiction, will overtake my wife with romance. There are kind men all around, but no man wins her heart because he’s more kind than me toward her. There are generous men around her, but no generosity is greater than mine toward her. There are poetic men, but no poet wins her.

Because I’m commanded to love her, I put my best attention toward her in this matter. That means, I’m the most romantic book she’s ever read, I’m more generous toward her than anyone she knows, I strive to cause laughter and joy in conversation and experiences in life, I’m the poet who woes her with roses and violets.

Husbands, provide for your wife. Provide for her spiritually, emotionally, socially, mentally, and physically.

You do this til you die! Now, go love your wife.

Try Saying…

Posted on August 26, 2014Leave a comment

This generation of the church is more captivated by a blockbuster thriller, superhero comics, social(-less) media, and hero worship of fictional characters portrayed by godless masses than the redeemer, Christ the Lord. This generation of the church expects their church to present truth the same way this world has cast this bewitching spell upon them.

“Entertain me!”, they say.
“You owe me!”, they expect.
“If it doesn’t keep my attention, I’m off to the one that will!”, they actually believe this.

Where is the parent who will nurture their children on the Word of God?
Where is the husband who will love his wife as Christ loves the church?
Where is the wife who will display the glory of God by giving herself only to her husband?
Where is the missionary who will set the thrills of this world aside for the call of God to dark prison cells?
Where is the church that will trust the sufficiency of Christ?
Where is the preacher who will preach eternal truth?
Where is the evangelist who will speak of the necessity of the blood of Christ?
Where is the sojourner who who knows this is not his home?
Where is the neighbor who will consider her neighbor as someone who needs the gospel as desperately as she does?
Where is the man of God who will humble himself before the Lord?
Where is the woman of God who will display the glory of God in her modesty?
Where is the child who will honor his father and mother.

By the grace of God, His people are around. But is this the church you are of? Are you this parent who will nurture in the ways of the Lord? Are you the husband who loves? the wife who helps? the missionary who goes? the church that trusts? the preacher who preaches? the evangelist who speaks? the sojourner with citizenship from above? the neighbor who concerns? the man you are? the woman you are? the child you are?

If so, may the Lord continue to help. If not, say this to the Lord with me today… “I repent of my wayward, distracted devotion.”

A Castle or Church

Posted on June 18, 2014Leave a comment

A man’s home is his castle… or so goes the saying. But is this a healthy way for a follower of Christ to think of his home? I’ve been reading biographical sketches of Richard Baxter this week and struck by his labor for the good of Kidderminster, the town he pastored. He regarded worship, biblical instruction, and discipline in the home as essential to the health of society.

This puts a work on the home as more a training ground for the children God places here.

The idea of a castle is more about luxury and easy. The idea of a church is more complex and intentional. Richard Baxter preached to his church to “keep up the government of God in your families; holy families must be the chief preservers of the interest of religion in the world. This puts an importance of raising a family at a whole other level. It is more as much a calling as any calling there is.

“Let your own example teach your children that holiness and heavenliness and blamelessness of tongue and life, which you desire them to learn and practice. The example of parents is most powerful with children, both for good and evil… they will sooner believe your bad lives than your good words.” Richard Baxter

Baxter treated the congregation like a family; a family of families. The good work of gathering a family with other believers was to never be missed except for extreme circumstances.

The good in society that many pine for of old is not found in a moral government; it’s a Christian home, behaving godly, that impacts society as they gather together with others aiming at the same thing, the favor of God.

Hey men, today would be a great day to gather your family together. Read, pray, give instruction and lead your family on a more difficult path than establishing your rule in your castle. Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord while it is still called today and lead with courage, shepherd the flock before you. Then, let only the extreme circumstance keep you from gathering with the family of God this coming Lord’s Day.

When Foolish Advice is Called Wisdom

Posted on May 28, 2014Leave a comment

“When an older, wiser man offers you love advice, take it. Especially if that older, wiser man is Bill Murray.” Huffington Post, when did Bill Murray become an expert on marriage?

“If you have someone that you think is The One, don’t just sort of think in your ordinary mind, ‘Okay, let’s pick a date. Let’s plan this and make a party and get married.’ Take that person and travel around the world. Buy a plane ticket for the two of you to travel all around the world, and go to places that are hard to go to and hard to get out of. And if when you come back to JFK, when you land in JFK, and you’re still in love with that person, get married at the airport.” Bill Murray

This may have the sound of romance and the making for a blockbuster movie plot where everyone lives happily ever after. But this ‘sage’ advice has no consideration for the glory of God. There is reason being exercised, but the start and end of marriage is off target.

Marriage is not something that one does if romance prevails. Marriage is something you commit to and devote yourself to before you know what comes next. The world hails advice like Murray’s as the epitome of romance, but is there any greater romance story than one who devotes himself to another before any knowledge of “better or worse”, “richer or poorer”, before any memories are made in “good times or bad”.

What’s more romantic? getting married after a lab-test of difficulties or staying married through real-life hardships? I argue the latter.

Hey, why not do something against the norm of our culture and look to Holy Scripture for lasting advice on marriage from the one who thought of marriage in the first place. Here’s a great book I just finished reading on Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…” (NASB) Go devote yourself to what that looks like, then get married.

Consider this wisdom… Building a Godly Home

Husbands Love Your Wives book discussion.

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The Husband and Wife Relationship

Posted on April 10, 2014Leave a comment

It is God’s plan that a husband (male) has authority over his wife (female) just as Christ has authority over the church, and that a husband loves his wife just as Christ loved the church and gave His life of her. Because God has ordered it this way, the husband’s authority does not nullify the wife’s freedom. But the authority of sacrificial, Christ-like, love liberates both the wife and all others in the family. (Ephesians 5:2-23)

Structure and Stability of the Family

Posted on April 7, 2014Leave a comment

What time is it?

The bible clarifies that God intended for the family to consist of one husband (male) and one wife (female). He spoke of the family as something “God has joined together” and warned that man must not separate this God ordained unit. Ultimately, the stability of our our society, economy, and general well being needs the stability of our families. (Matthew 19:1-6)

It is time to be the church.

Divorce and Remarriage

Posted on March 31, 20142 Comments

When did divorce and remarriage become so accepted among Christians? I’m not going to attempt to even answer that question, but more the question of how do we return to the “ancient ways” that promise rest?

I get that grace is big. It’s bigger than I am likely able to comprehend. It’s not that divorce can’t be forgiven, it can and is forgivable. It’s not that a marriage to another spouse while your original spouse is still living can’t be forgiven, it can and is forgivable.

Before you read anything else I have to say reread the previous paragraph and then read on.

This is mostly a post to those considering marriage. If you are single and thinking about marriage, think about this with seriousness. If you are currently married and thinking about looking for a way out, think about this with a sober mind devoted to displaying the glory of God. If you are currently divorced and thinking about remarriage to another person, put the lamp of Scripture on and follow this true path.

It is likely that our culture (and modern church) has painted you an ideal about what marriage is or should be for you. It’s likely your desire for happiness has been influenced by what this world argues for; your defense of deserving happiness.

I don’t think there is any denial that God has designed us for pleasure. His word gives evidence of an order in life that leads humanity on the path of delight. The big problem for us is how we go about pursuing that fulfillment.

I will attempt to be brief. I realize that brevity may cause discomfort, disgust, and anger because some things will go mentioned and specific scenarios will go unmentioned. Please feel free to comment or contact me for further clarification if this happens, and surely reread the second paragraph.

It’s not that marital sins are bigger than other sins. Divorce and remarriage are not unforgivable. But why has the church become so silent on the matter? We surely would not let a known thief who has not confessed his past ways as offensive to God to remain in ‘good standing’ fellowship with the local church. We would not allow a known, practicing, idolater to have leadership among the household of God.

So why does the divorce and remarriage matter seem to get a free pass?

I think, based on my observation of the logic of our fallen culture, it’s because most can’t imagine that God wouldn’t want them to be happy. They know that God has designed them for joy and pleasure so why not in this marriage matter.

I don’t speak for the church I pastor, but I do have a duty to speak to the church I pastor on this matter and all matters that Scripture speaks toward.

I’m sure that your consideration of marriage is one that you have taken seriously. I’m sure that those who are in the path of divorce can testify to how the pain was more than they expected. I’m sure the reality of loneliness begins to crowd out all thoughts of possible happiness.

Listen, I don’t pretend to know this kind of pain and unhappiness first hand. But let me speak toward this matter from the lamp of Scripture, not the feeling of the day.

I’ll be brief with the thoughts and pray for extended help to those who read. I’ll take Psalm 1:1-2 as a start I’ll insert a few thoughts in (parenthesis). I recommend you read 1 Corinthians 7 on your own.

Psalm 1:1-2

How blessed (this is speaking to that design of God that we are created to live with joy, happiness, pleasure, delight) is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, (there is a cleaver agenda by the enemy who wants to rob God’s people of finding delight in Him. Its agenda speaks to this idea that we somehow ‘deserve’ something higher than what we have, but intentionally directing that attention to something less than God. Don’t walk down this path, it can not deliver what it’s promising.)
Nor stand in the path of sinners, (Don’t give divorce the opportunity to take up residence in your thinking, it will quickly begin to alter truth in order to get its way.)
Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! (The world will always be telling you that you deserve to be in a marriage that is better than the one you are in. Once you agree with it, it laughs at the gospel. Scoffing God as the world begins to buy the propaganda that God is an angry God who doesn’t want you to be happy.)
2 But his delight (see, there it is! God has designed you for joy, happiness, pleasure, delight… but don’t miss how we achieve this high level of delight.) is in the law of the Lord, (The law of the Lord? How can that bring delight? Do you believe that God is a sovereign creator? If yes, then yes our delight is in the law of the Lord. Who knows better than sovereign creator of what brings delight? The counsel of the wicked? surely no! the path of sinners? no way! The seat of scoffers? don’t embrace this selfish way!)
And in His law he meditates day and night. (What gives more direction to your life? Worldly counsel? ungodly paths? Seats of those who hate God? Rather; meditate on His law.) Psalms 1:1-2 (NASB)

This is good counsel for more than the matter of divorce and remarriage. Its good for all of life.

I’m far from a final position on this touchstone matter for so many in our culture. But the more I let the lamp of Scripture shine upon this matter, the clearer it gets.

If you are thinking about marriage; think upon it with sober seriousness. It is no lite matter.

If you are considering divorce; Ask God for help! Take joy in his loving act toward you when you were dead in your trespasses and be a gospel bearing lamp to your sin sick world and pursue that loved one who has “fallen out of love” with you. Pursue that spouse like a loving redeemer did you, relentlessly until He won you over.

If you are divorced; There is no better counsel I can give you than the lamp of Scripture. Study 1 Corinthians 7 with a lamp like a miner digging for precious metals and jewels in a dark cave. The lamp of Scripture will do its ordained work. Go to the tutor, the Holy Spirit, confirm what you think you are reading with the whole counsel of Scripture not the counsel of the wicked, the way of sinners, or the seat of the gospel scoffing world.

This is surely not an easy matter for many. Don’t be like those in Jeremiah 6:16-17 who refused to walk in the “good way” that promised rest for their souls. Don’t be like so many who will more quickly plug their ears than listen to the sound of truth.

Thus says the Lord, “Stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths, Where the good way is, and walk in it; And you will find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.’ “And I set watchmen over you, saying, ‘Listen to the sound of the trumpet!’ But they said, ‘We will not listen.’ (Jer 6:16-18 NASB)

Men Who Separate Themselves from their Families

Posted on August 16, 2013Leave a comment

This article appeared in the Twin Falls Weekly News from the Philadelphia Ledger on August 14, 1904.

“Men who separate themselves from their families pay a very high price for success. Some of the very greatest failures in life in America in recent years have been failures of men whose lives and careers are blazoned abroad as those of great, successful men. Their sons are noted for their worthlessness, degenerate sons of worthy hires. These young men are unfitted to make a living for themselves, and they are unfitted to spend the money which their fathers piled up with infinite pains and labors. In these cases it is extremely doubtful if the worthless sons are to be blamed; the fathers, the great, successful men, are primarily at fault because though they made money and a name, they did not give any time or pains or thought at all to the most important work in the world, which is the rearing of honorable and useful men.”

(HT: Andrew Vawser)

I can agree that this is the “most important” work in the world so long as gospel proclamation is the motivation. But in large this unknown writer, like many others from the past, speak a timely word to fathers today.

Men who separate themselves from their families pay a high price, don’t they?

Praise God, by His grace, your children can be redeemed from the doom of a neglectful father or a wife may be rescued from giving her affection to another because her husband has grown dull of showing needed affection.

Husbands and fathers, are your families in danger because of your pursuit of a ‘successful’ career or waisted with unclaimed and lost hours of video games, television, computer, pornography or other activity that steals moments of honorable living before your children or cherishing your wife? If so, repent today! Cry out to God to rescue you from the your ignorance. Be provider/protector of you household today.

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