Marriage – Page 3 – PaulThompsonBlog

When Foolish Advice is Called Wisdom

Posted on May 28, 2014Leave a comment

“When an older, wiser man offers you love advice, take it. Especially if that older, wiser man is Bill Murray.” Huffington Post, when did Bill Murray become an expert on marriage?

“If you have someone that you think is The One, don’t just sort of think in your ordinary mind, ‘Okay, let’s pick a date. Let’s plan this and make a party and get married.’ Take that person and travel around the world. Buy a plane ticket for the two of you to travel all around the world, and go to places that are hard to go to and hard to get out of. And if when you come back to JFK, when you land in JFK, and you’re still in love with that person, get married at the airport.” Bill Murray

This may have the sound of romance and the making for a blockbuster movie plot where everyone lives happily ever after. But this ‘sage’ advice has no consideration for the glory of God. There is reason being exercised, but the start and end of marriage is off target.

Marriage is not something that one does if romance prevails. Marriage is something you commit to and devote yourself to before you know what comes next. The world hails advice like Murray’s as the epitome of romance, but is there any greater romance story than one who devotes himself to another before any knowledge of “better or worse”, “richer or poorer”, before any memories are made in “good times or bad”.

What’s more romantic? getting married after a lab-test of difficulties or staying married through real-life hardships? I argue the latter.

Hey, why not do something against the norm of our culture and look to Holy Scripture for lasting advice on marriage from the one who thought of marriage in the first place. Here’s a great book I just finished reading on Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…” (NASB) Go devote yourself to what that looks like, then get married.

Consider this wisdom… Building a Godly Home

Husbands Love Your Wives book discussion.

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An Extended Season of Grace

Posted on May 21, 2014Leave a comment

Late yesterday, the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals issued an upgrade from a temporary stay to a permanent stay on the Idaho Constitutional position of marriage being between one man and one woman. The permanent stay is not simply as permanent as the word would imply, but it is an extended season of grace from God for believers in Idaho to express your views to our state government on this important matter. You can communicate (with kindness and grace) with Governor Otter HERE.

Here is the press release from Governor Otter’s office this afternoon. Consider expressing your joy in the Lord by contacting Gov. Otter HERE.

Neglect of Duty; the Death of Romance

Posted on May 21, 2014Leave a comment

“Husbands, love your wives…” (Eph 5:25 NASB)

This is a command from Holy Scripture. The beautiful thing is that Scripture not only describes duty, it also give us illustration. The duty of loving your wife is such a high command, but the illustration of how to do it seems impossible. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her…”

The illustration of how to do this is as much a part of the command to do it.

How does a fallen soul rise to the call of duty to love like this? He must look to his Redeemer. Look further in the text. In verse 28 there is another interesting command “husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.” This is the second great commandment “love your neighbor as yourself.”

This is possible only with help. We are by (fallen) nature, selfish and interested only in ourselves. To love another as you do yourself is nearly impossible because of our selfish (fallen) nature. To love your wife as your own body should, at the least, be slightly easier. But if we don’t understand the supernatural act of becoming one flesh in marriage, husbands won’t understand our duty to love like Christ loved as the most romantic thing we can do for our wives.

But remember, romance is not our aim.

Rejoice in every heart warming moment you have with your wife, but know that loving your wife displays the glory of God to your wife, your children, your neighbor, your church family, the nations. It is essentially a gospel work. Not to be confused with speaking the gospel, preaching repentance, or missionary advancement of the gospel banner to nations and language groups. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.

In his book, Domesticall Duties, William Gouge (1578-1653) provides the best marriage handbook I’ve ever read.

Here is a short excerpt from the chapter, “Husband’s Providing for His Wife.” (updated and edited by Joel Beeke and Scott Brown)

Neglecting to Maintain Their Wife
The lawless carelessness of husbands, who care no more to help and assist their wives than any other person, works against this.

Some more fear to offend their wives than they care to do them good, and in that respect they let any sort of people come to their wives that are welcome to them. If magistrates in a nation shall answer for allowing seditious men to come into their dominions to deceive their people, much more shall husbands answer for allowing them to come and deceive their wives, for several reasons. First, they have a greater responsibility for their wives than magistrates for their people. Secondly, wives ought to be dearer to husbands than people to magistrates. Thirdly, because they may sooner see them them in their house than magistrates in the nation. Fourthly, because they may be much more easily kept out of a house than out of a nation or a city.
Others do not care where their wives wander, and if they do go out of their house, they shall never be sought after by their husbands. Though this may be a just punishment on wandering wives, yet it is not just for husbands so to deal with them. If Christ our Husband should so deal with us, we should soon be lost, for we often go astray like wandering sheep, but He is that good shepherd, who seeks after the lost sheep until He finds it.
No wonder then that many husbands are no more affected with the bad reports and rumors raised against their wives, when they so little regard who come to them, or where they go. Assuredly the dishonor of a wife will turn to the man’s dishonor, for as “a virtuous wife is a crown to her husband,” so by the rule of contraries, and infamous wife is a shame to her husband. If therefore not for his wife’s sake, for his own sake a man ought not to carelessly pass over the bad reports which are raised against his wife.

(from pages 254-255 Building a Godly Home; A Holy Vision for a Happy Marriage, William Gouge – edited by Joel Beeke and Scott Brown)

I recommend this book to every married man, about to be married man, and every man thinking about being married some day. It not only speaks to husbands, but also to wives. My next step will be to read this with Renee and our sons and their wives. It’s that good. Really.

Baptist Faith and Message

Posted on May 20, 2014Leave a comment

Obviously not all buildings with the name “Baptist” are really filled with Baptists and not all buildings without the name “Baptist” are not Baptists. But for me, and it is important to me, that the name Baptist is on the sign in front of the building where I preach? Sure, some have redefined doctrinal positions of Baptist, but the Baptists people I stand with, both historic and current, are bold about this matter of marriage.

Marriage:

Marriage is to be between one man and one woman. It is not lawful for any man to have more than one wife, nor for any woman to have more than one husband, at the same time.
Marriage was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife, for the increase of mankind with a legitimate issue, and for preventing uncleanness.
It is lawful for all sorts of people to marry if they are able with judgement to give their consent. But it is the duty of Christians to marry in the Lord, and therefore those who profess the true religion should not marry with infidels or idolaters. Nor should those who are godly be unequally yoked by marrying with those who are wicked in their life or who maintain heretical teaching condemned to judgement.
Marriage ought not to be within the degrees of consanguinity or affinity forbidden in the Word, nor can such incestuous marriages ever be made lawful by any law of man or consent of parties so that such persons may live together as man and wife.”

Second London Baptist Confession, 1689

The Family:

“Marriage is the uniting of one man and one woman in covenant commitment for a lifetime. It is God’s unique gift to reveal the union between Christ and His church and to provide for the man and the woman in marriage the framework for intimate companionship, the channel of sexual expression according to biblical standards, and the means for procreation of the human race.

The husband and wife are of equal worth before God, since both are created in God’s image. The marriage relationship models the way God relates to His people. A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. He has the God-given responsibility to provide for, to protect, and to lead his family. A wife is to submit herself graciously to the servant leadership of her husband even as the church willingly submits to the headship of Christ. She, being in the image of God as is her husband and thus equal to him, has the God-given responsibility to respect her husband and to serve as his helper in managing the household and nurturing the next generation.”

Baptist Faith and Message, 2000

The Inventor of Marriage

Posted on May 20, 20142 Comments

I’ve been reading a timely book with some brothers from church by William Gouge (1575-1653), Building a Godly Home; A Holy Vision for a Happy Marriage.

Marriage is the hot ‘bed’ debate today. The reason I have been speaking out so much on the matter is because of the recent federal judge, ruling Idaho’s marriage law unconstitutional. This ruling is currently being debated in California at the ninth circuit court of appeals. Not only is a federal judge making a ruling against Idaho, a federal court in California, located in San Francisco, will determine if county courthouses will begin issuing marriage licenses to people who want to marry someone of the same sex.

The reason this is closest to me is because of the gospel witness. Their is a sacred union of two (one male and one female) being joined together as one. This is a sacred union because God ordered it to be this way. I realize the detractors don’t like this and find a defense for the institution of marriage as God’s order. Some of the complication in this is because some ‘churches’ and ‘pastors’ have been promoting this kind of union as God ordained.

Not only is this is confusing to many people that ‘pastors’ and ‘churches’ are endorsing same-sex ‘marriage’ but pastors and churches have not been preaching the gospel as they should. When the gospel is not clear we forget how wretched we are and begin to declare that which is debase and abominable as beautiful and normal.

The author of marriage is God, period. He does have a right to define it as He does. Ones being offended at His right to limit marriage to one man and one woman – until death – is evidence that one would prefer to create a god for himself who will let him do as he wishes. This is a reason why Jesus asserts in Matthew 19:4-6 (Phillips):

“Haven’t you read,” he answered, “that the one who created them from the beginning ‘made them male and female’ and said: ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two separate people but one. No man therefore must separate what God has joined together.” (emphasis mine)

If God orders marriage as one male and one female, no person or court in the land has prerogative to redefine the order to anything else. This, God has made, and no one must separate and dismantle what God ordered. This doesn’t mean that it can’s be separated or dismantled, it means it shouldn’t be. So don’t.

We find again that we are humbled to submit to the order of God. What appears to be a limitation put upon humanity proves to be His love to liberate us from the bondage of doing that which is not ordered by God.

When Hebrews 13 was written, then even latter when translated into English, the word marriage is defined as a sacred event between one man and one woman for life. “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” (Hebrews 13:4 ESV)

Marriage can be defiled, otherwise we would not be instructed to keep it undefiled. The defiled activity in the marriage bed is the activity that the writer argues will be judged by God. This means that it is easy to defile what God has ordered as good, beautiful and honoring. Meaning further, heterosexuals and homosexuals alike are capable of defiling the marriage bed. Married couples and singles are capable of defiling the marriage bed. If we are instructed to keep the marriage bed pure, then that means we need to know what God intends when he declares something good and right.

Even though the modern English dictionary defines marriage differently than it did in the past, and it does, we are responsible to read Scripture with the understanding of what is said by its understood definition when it was written. If we don’t we are at risk of making a god for ourselves and rejecting Creator God, Jesus the Christ.

I continue my appeal to the governing authorities of the State of Idaho. It is no small matter we are facing today. This is one of great consequence. If needed, please do not hesitate to close county clerk offices. Idaho is a sovereign state. Exercise your duty to her citizens and keep the favor of God. You are not forcing a religion on anyone to do so. You do not force anyone to worship the God of the Bible by refusing to issue marriage licenses to anyone but one man and one woman. Equality of tax breaks does not require you to accept the redefinition of marriage being an institution of one man and one woman. You are better able to serve all citizens of Idaho by not allowing this change to happen.

An Appeal to Governor Otter

Posted on May 18, 2014Leave a comment

I sent this letter to Governor Otter, very similar to the appeal I made on Friday at the Twin Falls County Courthouse.

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To: Governor Otter May 16, 2014
the State of Idaho

Dear Governor Otter

I respect the boldness you have taken on the defense of marriage. I plead with you as a reasonable citizen to not change the language of “Groom” and “Bride” to “Applicant A” and “Applicant B” on the Idaho marriage license application.

I respect that you have a fiduciary responsibility to all citizens in our great state. I’m not asking you to hinder anyone from having this legal document. I’m asking you to honor our grand history of having the terms “Bride” and “Groom” on all historic records in our state.

May all who apply for this license have the pleasure of the strong history of the founders of our state constitution. Please do not neutralize the historical beauty of the language because of a federal judge ruling. Hold tightly to our heritage, the heritage of the pioneer west that did what few others would dare to do. Be this kind of governor, our nation needs your boldness. Rise up, and lead forth.

At the least, our history deserves more than a simple change in language.

Please respond in writing explaining why this kind of change would even be considered without respect of the wishes of the good citizens of Idaho.

Thank you for your long service and good care to the needs of all who reside in Idaho.

As a minister of the Gospel of the Lord, Jesus the Christ, I appeal to you to keep a language that finds favor with our Creator. May God bless Idaho.

Paul Thompson

Open Letter to Twin Falls County

Posted on May 16, 20141 Comment

I spent the day preparing and hand delivering a letter to the Twin Falls County Courthouse to express my hope that this county will stay with the strong historic language of “Husband” and “Wife” on the license application. (Here are my thoughts on this matter earlier today.)

The kind and helpful ladies in the county clerks office endured my questions and received my letter with grace and appreciation. I decided there were a few things I could do with the extended time of grace from God on this matter and decided I must speak kindly on this important topic to God.

Structure and Stability of the Family

Posted on April 7, 2014Leave a comment

What time is it?

The bible clarifies that God intended for the family to consist of one husband (male) and one wife (female). He spoke of the family as something “God has joined together” and warned that man must not separate this God ordained unit. Ultimately, the stability of our our society, economy, and general well being needs the stability of our families. (Matthew 19:1-6)

It is time to be the church.

Divorce and Remarriage

Posted on March 31, 20142 Comments

When did divorce and remarriage become so accepted among Christians? I’m not going to attempt to even answer that question, but more the question of how do we return to the “ancient ways” that promise rest?

I get that grace is big. It’s bigger than I am likely able to comprehend. It’s not that divorce can’t be forgiven, it can and is forgivable. It’s not that a marriage to another spouse while your original spouse is still living can’t be forgiven, it can and is forgivable.

Before you read anything else I have to say reread the previous paragraph and then read on.

This is mostly a post to those considering marriage. If you are single and thinking about marriage, think about this with seriousness. If you are currently married and thinking about looking for a way out, think about this with a sober mind devoted to displaying the glory of God. If you are currently divorced and thinking about remarriage to another person, put the lamp of Scripture on and follow this true path.

It is likely that our culture (and modern church) has painted you an ideal about what marriage is or should be for you. It’s likely your desire for happiness has been influenced by what this world argues for; your defense of deserving happiness.

I don’t think there is any denial that God has designed us for pleasure. His word gives evidence of an order in life that leads humanity on the path of delight. The big problem for us is how we go about pursuing that fulfillment.

I will attempt to be brief. I realize that brevity may cause discomfort, disgust, and anger because some things will go mentioned and specific scenarios will go unmentioned. Please feel free to comment or contact me for further clarification if this happens, and surely reread the second paragraph.

It’s not that marital sins are bigger than other sins. Divorce and remarriage are not unforgivable. But why has the church become so silent on the matter? We surely would not let a known thief who has not confessed his past ways as offensive to God to remain in ‘good standing’ fellowship with the local church. We would not allow a known, practicing, idolater to have leadership among the household of God.

So why does the divorce and remarriage matter seem to get a free pass?

I think, based on my observation of the logic of our fallen culture, it’s because most can’t imagine that God wouldn’t want them to be happy. They know that God has designed them for joy and pleasure so why not in this marriage matter.

I don’t speak for the church I pastor, but I do have a duty to speak to the church I pastor on this matter and all matters that Scripture speaks toward.

I’m sure that your consideration of marriage is one that you have taken seriously. I’m sure that those who are in the path of divorce can testify to how the pain was more than they expected. I’m sure the reality of loneliness begins to crowd out all thoughts of possible happiness.

Listen, I don’t pretend to know this kind of pain and unhappiness first hand. But let me speak toward this matter from the lamp of Scripture, not the feeling of the day.

I’ll be brief with the thoughts and pray for extended help to those who read. I’ll take Psalm 1:1-2 as a start I’ll insert a few thoughts in (parenthesis). I recommend you read 1 Corinthians 7 on your own.

Psalm 1:1-2

How blessed (this is speaking to that design of God that we are created to live with joy, happiness, pleasure, delight) is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, (there is a cleaver agenda by the enemy who wants to rob God’s people of finding delight in Him. Its agenda speaks to this idea that we somehow ‘deserve’ something higher than what we have, but intentionally directing that attention to something less than God. Don’t walk down this path, it can not deliver what it’s promising.)
Nor stand in the path of sinners, (Don’t give divorce the opportunity to take up residence in your thinking, it will quickly begin to alter truth in order to get its way.)
Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! (The world will always be telling you that you deserve to be in a marriage that is better than the one you are in. Once you agree with it, it laughs at the gospel. Scoffing God as the world begins to buy the propaganda that God is an angry God who doesn’t want you to be happy.)
2 But his delight (see, there it is! God has designed you for joy, happiness, pleasure, delight… but don’t miss how we achieve this high level of delight.) is in the law of the Lord, (The law of the Lord? How can that bring delight? Do you believe that God is a sovereign creator? If yes, then yes our delight is in the law of the Lord. Who knows better than sovereign creator of what brings delight? The counsel of the wicked? surely no! the path of sinners? no way! The seat of scoffers? don’t embrace this selfish way!)
And in His law he meditates day and night. (What gives more direction to your life? Worldly counsel? ungodly paths? Seats of those who hate God? Rather; meditate on His law.) Psalms 1:1-2 (NASB)

This is good counsel for more than the matter of divorce and remarriage. Its good for all of life.

I’m far from a final position on this touchstone matter for so many in our culture. But the more I let the lamp of Scripture shine upon this matter, the clearer it gets.

If you are thinking about marriage; think upon it with sober seriousness. It is no lite matter.

If you are considering divorce; Ask God for help! Take joy in his loving act toward you when you were dead in your trespasses and be a gospel bearing lamp to your sin sick world and pursue that loved one who has “fallen out of love” with you. Pursue that spouse like a loving redeemer did you, relentlessly until He won you over.

If you are divorced; There is no better counsel I can give you than the lamp of Scripture. Study 1 Corinthians 7 with a lamp like a miner digging for precious metals and jewels in a dark cave. The lamp of Scripture will do its ordained work. Go to the tutor, the Holy Spirit, confirm what you think you are reading with the whole counsel of Scripture not the counsel of the wicked, the way of sinners, or the seat of the gospel scoffing world.

This is surely not an easy matter for many. Don’t be like those in Jeremiah 6:16-17 who refused to walk in the “good way” that promised rest for their souls. Don’t be like so many who will more quickly plug their ears than listen to the sound of truth.

Thus says the Lord, “Stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths, Where the good way is, and walk in it; And you will find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.’ “And I set watchmen over you, saying, ‘Listen to the sound of the trumpet!’ But they said, ‘We will not listen.’ (Jer 6:16-18 NASB)

Reaction

Posted on March 1, 2014Leave a comment

On a monthly basis I get the privilege of writing a column in the Twin Falls Times News paper. The paper has approx. twenty thousand daily readers (not including the online readers.) The privilege to write in the public square is a privilege I treat more like a responsibility. Not to the paper, not to the reader, not to myself but a responsibility to herald truth from the perspective of a minister of the Gospel.

This reality comes with a learning responsibility to guard my heart from reacting to reactions.

Case in point: Today, the Times News published my column entitled “Unromantic Duty“. This was essentially a blog post from about a month ago that I tweaked to a broader reader base, but still directed to believers. Usually I will receive an email or two from a column and a few social media “likes” and “tweets”, but rarely will a column generate a public comment. Today was a reminder to myself that I must discipline myself always.

The first comment came early this morning. As I read it I began to think I should probably respond. After all, he thinks I’m from the bronze age of mythology and a fascist for forcing my moral code on everyone. Then I wanted to take him to task for saying that he has “no problem with folks believing what they want.” No problem with folks believing what they want except for Christians. This began to show me that my reaction was going to be less about advancing the gospel and more about defending my feelings. So I prayed for him and others who won’t understand what I wrote about and consider it foolish to submit to the authority of God’s word. Good lesson to remember when in dialog in the public square. Speak as an ambassador of truth and resist defending self.

“The sooner we can move beyond allowing adherents of bronze age mythology form public policy based on tenants of said mythology, the better. I have no problem with folks believing what they want. However, forcing your moral code on EVERYONE because you’re positive that your god is the god we ALL have to listen to and obey is fascist.”

The other comment came later this afternoon.

With marriages not being a wholly religious event(meaning marriage ceremonies are not solely conducted by religious leaders or in churches), being conducted by government officials in government owned buildings, defining marriage as between a man and a woman based on the bible won’t work. With the separation of church and state in this country, how a civil authority decides to conduct civil unions/marriages is up to the civil authority, a.k.a. the voters. Now if a pastor decides that he/she doesn’t want to conduct same sex marriages as a private person in a private entity(a church) then that is completely up to him/her. But to say that “marriage” is an institution that only came from religion is historically incorrect. Marriages and unions were being performed by “civic leaders” long before Christianity, Judaism, or even Islam became widespread across the world.

Yes, both are examples of poor logic. They both miss the point of my column and make their comments about their own agenda. This is normal in a public forum dialog where readers are invited to comment. I like the interaction it provides but I also acknowledge that it affords itself to an ego feeding frenzy. It’s hard to make a point in a written forum that doesn’t quickly unravel into a total mess.

I do think that engaging in the public square by commenting on articles is an important place for a Christian to engage with truth. This engagement should be done carefully. This engagement should be done with purpose to show truth.

This engagement should be done with integrity, kindness, and gentleness. Followers of Christ must remember that we are strangers in this land and that we speak as ambassadors not residents.

The thing I’m learning about this interaction between author and reader is indeed a spectacular element columnist in the past would not have to contend with. Immediate interaction to a columnist provides a platform that quickly lessens the initial impact of the written word.

I’m thankful to write a monthly column in the public square. I’m thankful if my column helps the reader. I’m thankful if my column causes discomfort. I’m thankful if my column drives the reader to pursue truth in Christ.

The Times News has been generous to allow me and the others to continue writing. May the glory of the Lord be seen in the public square.

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