wife – PaulThompsonBlog

Preparing for Marriage

Posted on December 18, 2017Leave a comment

In a day where biblical marriage is under attack in every arena of our culture, including false churches masquerading as the church, we must give careful biblical attention to this creation of God.

I’ve just recently finished a series of messages on marriage and submit it here for consideration to strengthen your marriage and to help parents prepare your children for this sacred union of man and woman.

Husbands and wives, listen and discuss the content and the status of your marriage.
Fathers and mothers, listen to these messages with or without your children, but at least, be intentional about training your children for this moment now. Trust me, if your child is 10 to 20 years of age, marriage is likely sooner than you expect. Train them while they are still willing to listen to you about something as serious as this.

My prayer for you is that this will at least spark conversation that will lead to formal and informal moments to teach your children.

Male and Female

The Engagement

Necessary for Marriage to Exist and Remain

Needed for Marriage to Remain (pt.1)

Needed for Marriage to Remain (pt. 2)

Duties of Husbands and Wives

Sunday Nights at Eastside

Posted on November 20, 2017Leave a comment

Through the remainder of 2017 I will be address biblical marriage on Sunday nights. It is my hope that you would consider attending the Sunday night gatherings of Eastside Baptist Church. This is not just a “how to improve your marriage” series, this is as much a series of messages for the youth and young adults who are not married yet to consider biblical teachings about what marriage is and why it is an important subject for all of us to give attention to it.

Join me on Sunday night at 6:30 p.m at Eastside Baptist Church in Twin Falls, Idaho.

Letters to A Young Wife

Posted on January 1, 20152 Comments

Following is a collection of letters written to a young wife. It is not sure when or who wrote the letters or who the recipient “Lizzy” is, but the advice is strong and timeless. The complete letters are HERE.

Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. (Titus 2:3-5 NASB)

There are two things for the reader to consider;
1) Older women, if you have godly advice to give to younger women, please do with grace.
2) Younger women, want this kind of advice and head it.

Excerpt from letter #1

You must learn to yield even when you seem to be in the right; to give up your will even when your husband seems obstinate and unreasonable; to be chided — when you expected praise; and have your utmost endeavors to do rightly — regarded as mere duties. But, be not cast down by this dark side of the picture. You will be happier, spite of all these trials, than you have ever been — if you only resolve to be firm in the path of duty: to strive to do well always; to return a kind answer for a harsh word; and, above all, to control your temper. There may be times when this may seem impossible; but always remember that one angry word provokes another, and that thus the beautiful gem of wedded affection is tarnished, until what seemed to be the purest gold is found only gilded brass.

Amiability is the most necessary of all virtues in a wife, and perhaps the most difficult of all others to retain.

Excerpt from letter #2

I know there is much to make a young married woman sad. Before many days of wedded life are past, she begins to feel the difference between the lover and the husband. She misses that entire devotion to her every whim and caprice, which is so delightful; that all-absorbed attention to her every trifling word; that impressiveness of manner which is flattering and pleasing — and she almost imagines that she is a most miserable, neglected person.

This is a trying moment for a young and sensitive woman, but if she only reasons with herself, and resolves to yield no place in her spirits to feelings of repining, she will be happier — far happier with her husband as he is, than were he to retain all the devotion of the lover.

Excerpt from letter #3

Remember that you are a wife. A sacred, solemn duty is yours, which will require all your powers to perform with unwavering fidelity. Let me be frank with you, darling, and tell you that love of admiration has ever been your greatest fault, and is one of the most dangerous that a young wife can have. Check it, control it now, before it has led you farther into a snare which may involve your everlasting happiness! If you find it impossible to drive it away from you entirely, endeavor to center it upon your husband. Think of . . .
your personal appearance only so far as it will please him;
your dress, so far as it will gratify his taste;
your intellect, as it will make his home agreeable;
your musical powers, as they will enable you to give him pleasure;
learn to view all your charms and powers of pleasing in this light; improve them with this view, and all will go well with you and your married life.

I was quite charmed with your description of your sweet little home, dear Lizzie! What a lovely place it must be, and what a beautiful prospect of happiness there is before you!

Excerpt from letter #4

You are in the right path, now, darling — God grant that you may never be induced to deviate from it! Go on as you have commenced, and, believe me — more happiness will be yours than you have ever dreamed of. There is no richer treasure in this world — no greater blessing — no more unalloyed happiness to a woman — than the perfect trust and love of a good husband. The tie that binds the wedded couple, is one that must be guarded well — or it may become partially unloosed, and it is almost impossible ever to fasten it as at first.

Cherish that all-absorbing love for your husband, which now so fills your heart. Regard nothing as beneath your watchful attention which adds to his happiness. Consult his wishes, his tastes — in all your actions, your habits, your dress. Above all, never ‘deceive’ him. Be able ever to meet him with an unflinching eye, a true and honest heart.

Ever be guided by the lovely light of right principle — let this direct you in all your paths; keep your eye fixed upon it; lose not sight of it a moment, for it beams from a beautiful home of peaceful happiness, where it would lead you, and where all arrive who follow its guidance.

Cultivate in your heart a love of home, and home duties. Strive to make that place as attractive as possible, and do everything in your power to render it an agreeable resting-place for your husband. The daily routine of home duties, when performed in the right spirit, diffuse a feeling of cheerfulness over one’s heart that can never be found in the applause of the world, or the gratification of any favorite desire.

Endeavor to make your husband’s evenings at home as pleasant as you are able; call forth all your powers of pleasing; bring up his favorite topics of conversation; amuse him with music; do all that you can to convince him that he has a most delightful wife — and trust me, dear girl, you will never fail to make his own fireside the happiest spot in the world to him.

A Word to Husbands

Posted on September 9, 2014Leave a comment

Of all the instructions in the New Testament about marriage, no where is a wife commanded to “love her husband.” It would be wrong for a wife not to love her husband, but we only find the command verbalized to men. Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives…”

For a man to neglect his duty of loving his wife is first a dishonorable act against God. But, not only is it dishonorable to God, it is disruptive to his wife, it causes confusion in the home, and it leaves the Lord’s church anemic, powerless.

I recently read an updated version of William Gouge’s book, Building a Godly Home. In it, William Gouge examined the duties of men and women in the marriage. This powerful exhortation was an influence on my message Sunday night at the Southern Idaho Bible Lecture Series hosted at Eastside Baptist Church.

It’s important that men hear this and hear this often. Husbands, love your wives. Be watchful over your household, men. Have a high minded view of your wife, not a worshiping view, an affectionate view. She has a role of submission, give long-suffering affection as one equal in many respects, but in her state of office, subordinate.

A corrupt view of this is for a husband to think of his wife as second in class or inferior in status. It is neither. It is one of duty. A wife has a duty, a husband has a duty, children have a duty. These duties are not about chores, they are more about affection for the other and the duty each has before God. If affection is absent from a husband toward his wife he will likely give his affection to another.

Here are some practical ways husband can show their love to their wives.

Husband, you must be kind and thoughtful to your wife. Not effeminate, because you are masculine. Not brutish, because she is feminine.
Husband, you must be courteous to your wife. Say thank you and please, often.
Husband, you must reject being aloof. Be personal and engaging. look your wife in the eyes when you talk to her.
Husband, you must be humble. Not fake and patronizing, genuinely humble.
Husband, consider your wife first. She must get your first, best and engaging time.
Husband, you must not lord over your wife with unfair demands and strictness.
Husband, encourage your wife in good things.
Husband, don’t discourage your wife with ingratitude.
Husband, instruct your wife in private and exhort her in public.
Husband, give helpful instruction to your wife. Don’t shy away from addressing your wife about her clothing and presentation. She may need to hear from you that she is showing too much sensual skin. She may need to know from you that her Facebook profile picture is too sultry and inviting. She may need to be talked to about how she interacts with others in her social practices.
Husband, don’t make your wife go to many social events without you. If at all possible help meet her social needs with you present.
Husband, treat your wife with respect.

I like to put it this way: No other man gets the chance to win my wife’s heart, no one.

There are more intelligent men than me, but no other man gets a chance to win her heart with his intelligence. There may be funnier men than me, she may laugh with others but no man gets a chance to win my wife with laughter. There are surely more romantic men than me, but no man, in real life or fiction, will overtake my wife with romance. There are kind men all around, but no man wins her heart because he’s more kind than me toward her. There are generous men around her, but no generosity is greater than mine toward her. There are poetic men, but no poet wins her.

Because I’m commanded to love her, I put my best attention toward her in this matter. That means, I’m the most romantic book she’s ever read, I’m more generous toward her than anyone she knows, I strive to cause laughter and joy in conversation and experiences in life, I’m the poet who woes her with roses and violets.

Husbands, provide for your wife. Provide for her spiritually, emotionally, socially, mentally, and physically.

You do this til you die! Now, go love your wife.

Try Saying…

Posted on August 26, 2014Leave a comment

This generation of the church is more captivated by a blockbuster thriller, superhero comics, social(-less) media, and hero worship of fictional characters portrayed by godless masses than the redeemer, Christ the Lord. This generation of the church expects their church to present truth the same way this world has cast this bewitching spell upon them.

“Entertain me!”, they say.
“You owe me!”, they expect.
“If it doesn’t keep my attention, I’m off to the one that will!”, they actually believe this.

Where is the parent who will nurture their children on the Word of God?
Where is the husband who will love his wife as Christ loves the church?
Where is the wife who will display the glory of God by giving herself only to her husband?
Where is the missionary who will set the thrills of this world aside for the call of God to dark prison cells?
Where is the church that will trust the sufficiency of Christ?
Where is the preacher who will preach eternal truth?
Where is the evangelist who will speak of the necessity of the blood of Christ?
Where is the sojourner who who knows this is not his home?
Where is the neighbor who will consider her neighbor as someone who needs the gospel as desperately as she does?
Where is the man of God who will humble himself before the Lord?
Where is the woman of God who will display the glory of God in her modesty?
Where is the child who will honor his father and mother.

By the grace of God, His people are around. But is this the church you are of? Are you this parent who will nurture in the ways of the Lord? Are you the husband who loves? the wife who helps? the missionary who goes? the church that trusts? the preacher who preaches? the evangelist who speaks? the sojourner with citizenship from above? the neighbor who concerns? the man you are? the woman you are? the child you are?

If so, may the Lord continue to help. If not, say this to the Lord with me today… “I repent of my wayward, distracted devotion.”

The Husband and Wife Relationship

Posted on April 10, 2014Leave a comment

It is God’s plan that a husband (male) has authority over his wife (female) just as Christ has authority over the church, and that a husband loves his wife just as Christ loved the church and gave His life of her. Because God has ordered it this way, the husband’s authority does not nullify the wife’s freedom. But the authority of sacrificial, Christ-like, love liberates both the wife and all others in the family. (Ephesians 5:2-23)

Structure and Stability of the Family

Posted on April 7, 2014Leave a comment

What time is it?

The bible clarifies that God intended for the family to consist of one husband (male) and one wife (female). He spoke of the family as something “God has joined together” and warned that man must not separate this God ordained unit. Ultimately, the stability of our our society, economy, and general well being needs the stability of our families. (Matthew 19:1-6)

It is time to be the church.

Divorce and Remarriage

Posted on March 31, 20142 Comments

When did divorce and remarriage become so accepted among Christians? I’m not going to attempt to even answer that question, but more the question of how do we return to the “ancient ways” that promise rest?

I get that grace is big. It’s bigger than I am likely able to comprehend. It’s not that divorce can’t be forgiven, it can and is forgivable. It’s not that a marriage to another spouse while your original spouse is still living can’t be forgiven, it can and is forgivable.

Before you read anything else I have to say reread the previous paragraph and then read on.

This is mostly a post to those considering marriage. If you are single and thinking about marriage, think about this with seriousness. If you are currently married and thinking about looking for a way out, think about this with a sober mind devoted to displaying the glory of God. If you are currently divorced and thinking about remarriage to another person, put the lamp of Scripture on and follow this true path.

It is likely that our culture (and modern church) has painted you an ideal about what marriage is or should be for you. It’s likely your desire for happiness has been influenced by what this world argues for; your defense of deserving happiness.

I don’t think there is any denial that God has designed us for pleasure. His word gives evidence of an order in life that leads humanity on the path of delight. The big problem for us is how we go about pursuing that fulfillment.

I will attempt to be brief. I realize that brevity may cause discomfort, disgust, and anger because some things will go mentioned and specific scenarios will go unmentioned. Please feel free to comment or contact me for further clarification if this happens, and surely reread the second paragraph.

It’s not that marital sins are bigger than other sins. Divorce and remarriage are not unforgivable. But why has the church become so silent on the matter? We surely would not let a known thief who has not confessed his past ways as offensive to God to remain in ‘good standing’ fellowship with the local church. We would not allow a known, practicing, idolater to have leadership among the household of God.

So why does the divorce and remarriage matter seem to get a free pass?

I think, based on my observation of the logic of our fallen culture, it’s because most can’t imagine that God wouldn’t want them to be happy. They know that God has designed them for joy and pleasure so why not in this marriage matter.

I don’t speak for the church I pastor, but I do have a duty to speak to the church I pastor on this matter and all matters that Scripture speaks toward.

I’m sure that your consideration of marriage is one that you have taken seriously. I’m sure that those who are in the path of divorce can testify to how the pain was more than they expected. I’m sure the reality of loneliness begins to crowd out all thoughts of possible happiness.

Listen, I don’t pretend to know this kind of pain and unhappiness first hand. But let me speak toward this matter from the lamp of Scripture, not the feeling of the day.

I’ll be brief with the thoughts and pray for extended help to those who read. I’ll take Psalm 1:1-2 as a start I’ll insert a few thoughts in (parenthesis). I recommend you read 1 Corinthians 7 on your own.

Psalm 1:1-2

How blessed (this is speaking to that design of God that we are created to live with joy, happiness, pleasure, delight) is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, (there is a cleaver agenda by the enemy who wants to rob God’s people of finding delight in Him. Its agenda speaks to this idea that we somehow ‘deserve’ something higher than what we have, but intentionally directing that attention to something less than God. Don’t walk down this path, it can not deliver what it’s promising.)
Nor stand in the path of sinners, (Don’t give divorce the opportunity to take up residence in your thinking, it will quickly begin to alter truth in order to get its way.)
Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! (The world will always be telling you that you deserve to be in a marriage that is better than the one you are in. Once you agree with it, it laughs at the gospel. Scoffing God as the world begins to buy the propaganda that God is an angry God who doesn’t want you to be happy.)
2 But his delight (see, there it is! God has designed you for joy, happiness, pleasure, delight… but don’t miss how we achieve this high level of delight.) is in the law of the Lord, (The law of the Lord? How can that bring delight? Do you believe that God is a sovereign creator? If yes, then yes our delight is in the law of the Lord. Who knows better than sovereign creator of what brings delight? The counsel of the wicked? surely no! the path of sinners? no way! The seat of scoffers? don’t embrace this selfish way!)
And in His law he meditates day and night. (What gives more direction to your life? Worldly counsel? ungodly paths? Seats of those who hate God? Rather; meditate on His law.) Psalms 1:1-2 (NASB)

This is good counsel for more than the matter of divorce and remarriage. Its good for all of life.

I’m far from a final position on this touchstone matter for so many in our culture. But the more I let the lamp of Scripture shine upon this matter, the clearer it gets.

If you are thinking about marriage; think upon it with sober seriousness. It is no lite matter.

If you are considering divorce; Ask God for help! Take joy in his loving act toward you when you were dead in your trespasses and be a gospel bearing lamp to your sin sick world and pursue that loved one who has “fallen out of love” with you. Pursue that spouse like a loving redeemer did you, relentlessly until He won you over.

If you are divorced; There is no better counsel I can give you than the lamp of Scripture. Study 1 Corinthians 7 with a lamp like a miner digging for precious metals and jewels in a dark cave. The lamp of Scripture will do its ordained work. Go to the tutor, the Holy Spirit, confirm what you think you are reading with the whole counsel of Scripture not the counsel of the wicked, the way of sinners, or the seat of the gospel scoffing world.

This is surely not an easy matter for many. Don’t be like those in Jeremiah 6:16-17 who refused to walk in the “good way” that promised rest for their souls. Don’t be like so many who will more quickly plug their ears than listen to the sound of truth.

Thus says the Lord, “Stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths, Where the good way is, and walk in it; And you will find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.’ “And I set watchmen over you, saying, ‘Listen to the sound of the trumpet!’ But they said, ‘We will not listen.’ (Jer 6:16-18 NASB)

the Rich Harvest of Her Hopes

Posted on May 22, 2013Leave a comment

I recommend this short essay on the influence a wife can have on her husband. This is J.R. Miller.

Again let me say that no wife can over-estimate the influence she wields over her husband, or the measure in which his character, his career and his every destiny are laid in her hands for shaping. The sway which she holds over him is the sway of love, but it is mighty and resistless. If she retains her power, if she holds her place as queen of his life, she can do with him as she will. Even unconsciously to her herself, without any thought of her responsibility, she will exert over him an influence that will go far toward making or marring all his future.

If she is vain and frivolous, she will only chill his ardor, weaken his resolution and draw him aside from any earnest endeavor. But if she has in her soul noble womanly qualities, if she has true thoughts of life, if she has purpose, strength of character and fidelity to principle, she will be to him an unfailing inspiration toward all that is noble, manly and Christ-like. The high conceptions of life in her mind will elevate his conceptions. Her firm, strong purpose will put vigor and determination into every resolve and act of his.

Her purity of soul will cleanse and refine his spirit. Her warm interest in all his affairs and her wise counsel at every point will make him strong for every duty and valiant in every struggle. Her bright, orderly, happy homemaking will be a perpetual source of joy and peace, and an incentive to nobler living. Her unwavering faithfulness, her tender affection, her womanly sympathy, her beauty of soul, will make her to him God’s angel indeed, sheltering, guarding, keeping, guiding and blessing him. Just in the measure in which she realizes this lofty ideal of wifehood will she fulfill her mission and reap the rich harvest of her hopes.

Such is the ‘woman’s lot’ that falls on every wife. It is solemn enough to make her very thoughtful and very earnest. How can she make sure that her influence over her husband will be for good, that he will be a better man, more successful and more happy because she is his wife? Not by any weak resolving to help him and be an uplifting inspiration to him; not by perpetual preaching and lecturing on a husband’s duties and on manly character; she can do it only by being in the very depths of her soul, in every thought and impulse of her heart and in every fiber of her nature, a true and noble woman. She will make him not like what she tells him he ought to be, but like what she herself is.

So it all comes back to a question of character. She can be a good wife only by being a good woman. And she can be a good woman in the true sense only by being a Christian woman. Nowhere save in Christ can she find the wisdom and strength she needs to meet the solemn responsibilities of wifehood. Only in Christ can she find that rich beauty of soul, those gems and pearls of the character, which shall make her lovely in her husband’s sight when the bloom of youth is gone, when the brilliance has faded out of her eyes and the roses have fled from her cheeks. Only Christ can teach her how to live so as to be blessed and a blessing in her married life.

HT: I read this last week at www.scottbrownonline.com

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